"Professor McGonagall has detected a tabby cat form, forced to masturbate for 30 seconds, reward: transfiguration talent!"

"A handicapped Voldemort was detected, help install the nose, reward: Parseltongue talent!"

"A domesticated phoenix Fox has been detected, and the domestication has been completed. Reward: Phoenix Nirvana!"

Looking at the heaven-defying missions released by the system, Rolf Scamander fell silent... He really didn't want to be expelled from Hogwarts!