Ding——Congratulations, Host, on becoming this dynasty’s treacherous minister. Please fully embody your true nature, drag the flourishing Da Zhou Empire into the abyss to fulfill your historical mission, and you may then be freed from the karmic debts of three lifetimes and ascend to the peak of life.

Xiao Yunfei pinned the Emperor’s brother-in-law to the ground and rubbed him in the dirt, then even pulled down the crown prince’s pants.

Luck happened to be on her side: the emperor was scheming against the prime minister, and she reaped the benefits.

The crown prince went to complain to the emperor.

The next day, Xiao Yunfei became the crown prince’s tutor.

On the third day, the crown prince’s eyes were bloodshot as he did homework until he shut down mentally.

The entire court was thrown into chaos. Power structures were rearranged. The "Xiao faction" rose rapidly in influence.

Even minor officials began calling Xiao Yunfei “Godfather” to her face.

Whatever she wanted to do, the Princess Royal was fully supportive.

Xiao Yunfei always felt the Princess Royal was up to something.

Sure enough, soon she… set her sights on the imperial harem.

> “I heard the Noble Consort has been feeling lonely lately.”

Members of the Xiao faction broke into a cold sweat: “My Lord, please—【Heavens, she even dares to covet the emperor’s women?!】”

> “Actually, this Chancellor believes the Princess Royal is of age. Isn’t it time to select a prince consort?

Gentlemen, are there any promising young talents you’d like to recommend?”

> Xiao faction: “The Chancellor speaks absolute truth. 【Not only is she unafraid of extermination of her entire clan, she’s even enjoying herself?!】”

Just then, the low and commanding voice of the Princess Royal came from outside:

> “Chancellor, is there anyone you favor as a candidate?”

Xiao Yunfei, slightly startled, respectfully replied:

> “This humble minister does indeed have a candidate in mind. May I ask when Her Highness will choose her prince consort?”

Li Tang raised her finger and pointed at her:

> “Then, Chancellor, when will you welcome me into your residence?”

Xiao Yunfei: “??????”

I’m trying to become the master of your household—why are you trying to marry into mine?

You really are a woman in mourning, huh!

---

Tags: Light-hearted

Main Character POV

---

One-sentence summary:

Took home a Princess Royal by accident.

The main text is complete!

Also known as: “This Useless Emperor Won by Lying Flat”

One morning, she woke up to find herself turned into the puppet emperor of a war-for-supremacy story, surrounded by ambitious armies all eager to seize her as a tool to command lords in the name of the Son of Heaven.

She made a decisive choice—to follow the Wei faction. Why not side with the protagonist, you ask? Because the protagonist was a ruthless schemer, the kind of man who’d rather betray the world than be betrayed by it. Following him meant she might not last a few days before being sent to the afterlife with a cup of poisoned wine.

Though the Wei clan never unified the world, they endured the longest. Even the protagonist was forced to drag out a war of attrition against them until they finally collapsed. By her calculation, Wei Ying—the most formidable master of the Wei clan—lived to the age of eighty. Only upon his death could the protagonist finally achieve unification.

If she chose Wei, she could live to eighty as well. Just right. No need to die early.

What better choice could there be? Who would complain about gaining an extra eighty years of life?

So, without hesitation, she followed the Wei clan’s masked woman, the one who wore a fearsome ghost-faced mask.

Unexpectedly, the other factions refused to accept it unless she showed that it was her own voluntary choice. They pressured her to make her stance clear to the Wei woman.

So, Tian Tangjing leaned over and smacked a kiss onto the woman’s cheek, drawing astonished gazes all around.

She kissed without the slightest burden, completely ignoring the way the Wei woman’s cold gaze grew increasingly complicated. From then on, she had secured herself a long-term meal ticket: for eighty years, she could lie flat as a useless emperor, never lacking food or drink, enjoying safety under the close protection of another.

Until her wedding night, when she discovered that the woman she had married was none other than Wei Ying herself.

Wei Ying—the very same iron-blooded general who could kill without batting an eye, who had guarded Shanhaiguan, developed the Far East, and shattered the Donghu tribes.

Tian Tangjing: Is it still too late to pack up and run?

At that moment, Wei Ying pressed close with forceful intent:

“Your Majesty kissed this minister’s daughter. Surely you mean to take lifelong responsibility?”

Tian Tangjing shrank her neck: Weakly asks—if I refuse?

Wei Ying sneered:

“Then your bones will be ground to dust—and scattered together with mine.”

Tian Tangjing: !!!

But who could have expected that their days together would grow more and more flavorful, surprisingly harmonious—if a little too intense.

The very protagonists who were supposed to seize the world ended up turned by her wife into her own right-hand men. They abandoned the struggle for the throne, competing instead to help her govern the realm.

Years later, Tian Tangjing stood atop the Star-Picking Tower, overlooking the vast empire, unable to resist sighing:

“When it comes to the strongest person at living off their partner, none can compare to me.”

“Your Majesty, still want some peaches?” Wei Ying reclined lazily on the beauty’s couch, gazing at her.

Tian Tangjing: “Mash it into peach pulp for me. I only love the soft kind!”

PS:

Ordinary useless emperor × Earth-shaking goddess-general

Theme: Blooming and bearing fruit even in adversity.

[Outwardly Abstinent Siscon Mad Princess × Outwardly Delicate but Truly Black-Bellied Sickly Noblewoman]

[Dual Female Leads / Double Madness / 1v1 / Pseudo-Sisters / Main Gong / OE]

[Not Biological Sisters]

Ji Xiangjue never expected that just as she decided to end her own life, she would inexplicably transmigrate into a strange world. And if she didn't protect this noblewoman, she would also die. Thus, she was forced onto the path of acknowledging a "younger sister" and taking care of her.

But who could have known that this pure sisterly bond would gradually begin to mutate...

“A-jie*, everyone says you don’t love me—but I don’t believe it.”

“That’s the truth. Why wouldn’t you believe it?”

“There’s only one possibility: you love me.”

Ji Xiangjue threw her to the ground, face indifferent. “I’m your A-jie.”

Jian Chuxun gave a wretched smile. “Can’t an older sister love too?”

“Ji Xiangjue, sooner or later, you’ll fall in love with me—just like I love you.”

*Note: "A-jie" is an affectionate term for older sister in Chinese.

Set in an alternate ancient world with no system. Don’t overthink the plot logic. This is a brain-off story.

Ji Xiangjue is pure madness; Jian Chuxun is driven mad by love.

Sweet story teaser:

I have never had emotions, nor have I ever known love.

I’ve loathed this world countless times.

I firmly believed no one could shake my truth.

But you... you are the only one who exists outside my order.

—Ji Xiangjue