第1章 金发少年与第一声枪响

The blond boy and the first gunshot

When Jiang Feng woke up, he found himself transformed into Andrew van der Kemp, the troublesome and rebellious son in the American TV series "Desperate Housewives".

The bad news is, something's not right in this world. Aunt Susan next door keeps attracting serial killers, Gabrielle's closet not only hides a gardener but also a ghost doll, and her own perfectionist mother, Brie, is cutting a piece of meat that looks like a werewolf with a silver knife.

The good news is that he has awakened the [Horror Attribute Plundering System]. By killing ghosts and monsters, he can plunder attributes such as "Immortality," "Dream Travel," and "Chainsaw Mastery."

But what's even more absurd is that he discovers he possesses a hidden attribute: "Homosexual Nightmare Trapper." Whether it's a grotesque killer with a sharp knife, a chainsaw maniac, or a serial killer in his dreams, they all seem to have a morbid obsession with him.

“Hey Freddy, I know you like me and dream about me,” Andrew wiped the blood-stained shotgun, staring blankly at the charred man, “but you look too much like a burnt pizza, we’re not a good match.” This was Andrew’s cozy daily life in Wisteria County—handling perfect family dinners by day and stuffing monster heads into compost bins by night.

江枫一觉醒来，发现自己成了美剧《绝望主妇》里那个令人头疼的叛逆儿子——安德鲁·范·德·坎普。
坏消息是，这个世界不太对劲。隔壁苏珊阿姨总是招惹连环杀手，加布里尔的衣柜里不仅藏着园丁还藏着鬼娃，而自己那个完美主义的老妈布里，正在用银质餐刀切分一块疑似狼人的肉排。
好消息是，他觉醒了【恐怖词条掠夺系统】。只要击杀鬼怪，就能掠夺“不死之身”、“梦境穿梭”、“电锯精通”等词条。
但更离谱的是，他发现自己自带隐藏词条【同性梦魇诱捕器】。 无论是拿着尖刀的鬼脸杀手，还是电锯狂魔，亦或是梦中杀人狂，似乎都对他有着某种病态的执着。
“嘿，弗莱迪，我知道你喜欢并在梦里追我，”安德鲁擦了擦沾满血的霰弹枪，面无表情地看着那个烧焦的男人，“但你长得太像烤糊的披萨了，我们不合适。” 这就是安德鲁在紫藤郡的温馨日常——白天应付完美的家庭晚宴，晚上把怪物的头颅塞进堆肥桶。