第1章 提瓦特的月光

Teyvat Moonlight

Genshin Impact + Tomb Raiding + No Couples

"We can explore the area ahead another time... just kidding!"

—And so, Master Hu Tao plunged headfirst into a “brand new instance” that even Paimon could be scared away!

Walnut, the 77th generation head of the Wangsheng Hall, who was happily "expanding his business" on Wuwangpo, encountered the most outrageous negative review in Teyvat history: terrible leyline channels and awful navigation! The service was so bad that they threw the customer out of the world!

When I opened my eyes, I saw a gloomy and eerie primeval forest, and all I could hear was the incoherent language of another world.

No elemental power replenishment? The monsters (?) are losing sanity faster and faster?

Are cars "metal-shelled, ghostly, earth-burrowing beasts"? Are firearms "mortal versions of the Rainbow-Piercing Spear"?

The concepts of life and death here are so crude that they would make even professionals' scalps tingle!

Walnut: Oh no, have I become an abnormal creature? But it's okay, the business scope of the Hall of Rebirth is the stars and the sea (just kidding)!

When the tomb raiding trio meets an otherworldly fire-type berserker (who also happens to be the head of a funeral home):

Fatty Wang: "Naive! Bro! Look! I found a little girl who can set fires to ward off evil spirits and even give psychological counseling to zongzi!"

Wu Xie: "...Did she just say that the Forbidden Woman's 'service quality is poor and needs to be dealt with in a bad review'?"

Zhang Qiling: "..." (Staring at the burning homa staff in Hu Tao's hand, lost in thought)

Black Bear: "Tsk, this flame is unscientific. Little sister, want to buy sunglasses? I'll give you a 1% discount."

"When the sun comes out, I bask in the sun; when the moon comes out, I bask in the moonlight!"

—Hu Tao's Otherworldly Version—Still Not Off-Key?—Yeah, right!

原神+盗墓+无CP

「前面的区域，下次再来探索吧……才怪！」

——于是，胡桃堂主一头扎进了连派蒙都能吓飞的“全新副本”！

正在无妄坡快乐“拓展业务”的往生堂第七十七代堂主胡桃，遭遇了提瓦特史上最离谱差评：地脉通道，差劲导航！服务差到把客户直接扔出世界啦！

睁眼是阴森诡异的原始森林，耳边是叽里呱啦的异界语言。 

没有元素力补充？魔物（？）一个比一个掉san？ 

汽车是“铁壳子幽冥遁地兽”？枪械是“凡人版贯虹之槊”？ 

这里的生死观念粗糙得让专业人士头皮发麻！

胡桃： 坏了，我成异常生物了？但没关系，往生堂的业务范围，是星辰大海（误）！

当盗墓铁三角遇上异界火系狂战士（兼殡仪馆馆长）：

王胖子： “天真！小哥！快看！我捡到一个会放火驱邪、还会给粽子做心理辅导的小姑娘！” 
吴邪：“……她刚才是不是说那只禁婆‘服务质量不佳，需要差评处理’？” 
张起灵：“……”（凝视胡桃手中燃烧的护摩之杖，陷入沉思）
 黑瞎子：“啧，这火焰，不科学啊。小妹妹，买墨镜吗？给你打九九折。”

“太阳出来我晒太阳~月亮出来我晒月亮咯~” 
——胡桃·异世界版·依旧没跑调·才怪！