第1章 美利坚不相信眼泪 

America doesn't believe in tears

My name is Leo Wallace, a PhD student in history, and I'm $137,542.89 in debt. In the darkest moment of my life, I lost my job because I criticized a tech giant called "Omni" online, and they "optimized" my employment. I thought my life was going to be a classic Chinese comedy, until an intruder popped into my head. He said his name was Franklin Roosevelt—yes, the one on the 10-cent coin. "Kid, stop criticizing online, it's useless." "Want to mess with them? I'll teach you." "Our first step is to become mayor." And so, I, a keyboard warrior who couldn't even find a job, embarked on a magical path to running for president under his guidance. Wait, Mr. President, are you sure this Second Bill of Rights... isn't really going to...

我叫里奥·华莱士，历史系博士在读，负债$137,542.89。人生的至暗时刻，我失业了，原因是我在网上喷了一家叫“奥姆尼”的科技巨头，然后就被它给“优化”了。我本以为我的人生剧本是《骆驼祥子》，直到我脑子里多了个非法闯入者。他说他叫富兰克林·罗斯福，对，就是印在10美分硬币上的那个。“孩子，别在网上喷了，没用。”“想搞他们吗？我教你。”“我们的第一步，先从当个市长开始。”于是，我，一个连工作都找不到的键盘侠，在他的指导下，踏上了一条竞选总统的魔幻道路。等等，总统先生，您确定我们这个《第二权利法案》……真的不是要把美利坚...