第 1 章

Chapter 1

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Geo King Zhongli has three fears.
The first is wear and tear, the second is aquatic products, and the third is his sweet little girl.

Her name is Zhongli Yue. When she was a cub, barely taller than his calf, she would not only steal Fushe's hammer to mine, but also snatch Xiao's precious stone kite to spear fish, forcing them to makeshift battles with sticks and rocks.
She even blew up the immortal caves in Jueyunjian, forcing the immortals to complain to him daily.

On the first day of the Mondstadt Wind Flower Festival, she blew up the statue of the Wind God. After the festival ended, she coaxed the Wind God's followers to Liyue. Just as
Zhongli was about to explain to the neighboring Wind God, his number one persecutor, the Wind God, arrived with gifts and begged for mercy.
Zhongli: This is hard to judge.
　　
After arriving on Xumi as an exchange student, Zizi learned that the Grass God was imprisoned by the Xumi Order. He instigated the neighboring Thunder God to rush to Xumi overnight, and with a single blow of his Wuxiang sword, he annihilated the Order, causing chaos throughout Xumi.
Zizi: Hiding his merits and fame.

One day, Zizi returned mysteriously: "Dad, I have something good for you,"
he said, pulling out two Hearts of God from his bosom.
Zhongli: "..."
Zizi: "Dad, when I get the remaining four, we'll take down Sky Island and become the masters!"
Zhongli, who only wanted to retire and relax, said: "Good boy, thank you."

His sweet little cotton jacket seemed to have been shoddily finished, leaking air.
Zhongli began to suspect that the law of nature had sent a spy to torture him because he was too idle.

*

Until later, the law of nature wanted to erase Zizi's existence.
So, led by Zhongli, everyone from the immortals of Liyue to the gods of Teyvat raised the banner of rebellion against the law of nature.

Zhongli: Anyone who dares to touch his daughter will bear his wrath.

【本文于2023.8.31日入v，入v掉落万字章节，希望小可爱们支持正版~】【预收《[原神]坏了，让我抽到真散兵了》】魈捡了一颗金灿灿的蛋，在他耐心的孵化下，这颗蛋终于有了动静，一条长着角的金色小蛇蛇从蛋壳里挣扎而出。魈：笑容逐渐消失。连夜敲响帝君的门，魈把小泥鳅和蛋壳双手奉上：“帝君，这是您落在外面的蛋。”钟离：“……？”起猛了，看见自己多了个崽。后来，小金龙在岩王帝君和众仙家的细心照料下，终于说出了第一个词：“爸爸”。但却是对着魈。顶着帝君疑惑的目光，魈冷汗涔涔。帝君您听我解释！*岩王帝君钟离有三怕。其一为磨损，其二为水产，其三为钟灵。钟灵，只有他小腿高的女儿，今天能偷魈的和璞鸢叉鱼，明天能偷浮舍的锤挖矿，害得他俩只能临时找树枝和石头来战斗。她甚至还能在绝云间炸了仙人的洞府，宅居的仙人们天天来找他告状。某日，钟灵神神秘秘的回来：“爹，我送你个好东西。”说着，从怀里摸出两颗神之心。钟离：“……”钟灵：“爹，等我搞到剩下四个，我们就干翻天空岛，翻身做主人！”只想退休摸鱼的钟离：好孩子，谢谢你。他的小棉袄就像是偷工减料过的，嗖嗖漏风。钟离开始怀疑，是不是天理看他太闲，所以派了这么一个间谍来折磨他。*直到后来，天理要抹除钟灵的存在。于是以钟离为首，从璃月众仙至提瓦特诸神，皆向天理举起了反抗的旗帜。钟离：任何想动他女儿的人，都必须承受他的怒火。PS：业障和磨损史诗级削弱，五夜叉存活，若坨沉睡，时间线在旅行者到来之前。——————预收《[原神]坏了，让我抽到真散兵了》文案：林渺渺直播抽卡的那个夜晚，十连出了九个流浪者。林渺渺：……命不久矣？粉丝：！！？然后“嘎嘣”一声，她的电脑烧了。还没来得及心疼电脑，林渺渺惊愕的发现家里多了一个人！？坏了，抽到真人了！不是浅紫色系的白散，也不是青蓝色系的流浪者，而是深紫色系的愚人众执行官——散兵。当林渺渺被这位暴躁执行官掐住脖子时，林渺渺：完了，我是真的命不久矣。*由于原神二创真的会把人创死，林渺渺害怕这位脾气不好的执行官暴走，一直都没敢再碰有关原神的任何事，于是游戏主播打算改行。当她选择做唱见主播时。散兵：“我不否认你的声音确实悦耳，但你唱歌的音调确定不是在扮演女鬼？”当她选择做演员时。散兵：“对自己的实力需要有清楚的认知，演技都骗不过我居然还想骗别人？”当她选择做代课老师时。散兵：“哈？就凭你这点知识？”林渺渺：累了，毁灭吧！*直到后来，林渺渺在一场cos展遇到了cos自己的散兵……林渺渺：“你什么时候知道的？”散兵：“早就知道了，你真当我是白痴吗？”散兵甚至有一个自己的原神账号。流浪者复刻那天，散兵自信满满的带着攒的三百抽下池子。几分钟后，散兵看见自己账号上的零命流浪者，陷入了沉思。*万叶复刻那天，林渺渺直播一发入魂，高呼：“万叶他好温柔我好爱！”然后“嘎嘣”一声，电脑没了。梦回十连九金那天。少年把她按在墙上：“喜欢温柔的？”林渺渺：“不、不喜欢……”