First grade, Horatio: Headmaster, look, use this scythe of mine to hook out the soul, then lock it in this lamp and roast it with the fire.

Second grader Horatio: Principal, look at this cabbage! It can increase in value infinitely and even kill the basilisk in an instant!

Third grader Horatio: Principal, do you think this soul contract could arm the Dementors into my army of Soul Reapers?

Fourth grader Horatio: Headmaster, look, this gravity magic can pull down meteorites from outer space to strengthen Durmstrang and Beauxbatons College.

Fifth grade, Horatio: Principal, you said if I projected this mark onto the moon, everyone who saw it would be brainwashed into a believer in houttuynia cordata, and the houttuynia cordata I planted in the Forbidden Forest would sell like hotcakes.

Sixth grader Horatio: Headmaster, look! The tree that grows from this seed can convert cosmic energy into magical seeds. Then all of humanity can become wizards, mastering both technology and magic. Conquering the stars will be just around the corner!

Seventh grader Horatio: Principal, look...

Dumbledore: "Enough talk. Take out your wand. It's either you or me today."

(Updates are irregular, written for my own amusement and humor, featuring multiple female characters)

There's a legend circulating around Hogwarts: Miss Lacus's first cry gave birth to the Dementors; Miss Lacus's first nightmare gave birth to the Obscurus; Miss Lacus's first fear gave birth to the Boggart; Miss Lacus's first laugh gave birth to Peeves; and Miss Lacus's light side became Voldemort! "Hogwarts, that's all a lie!" Miss Lacus protests. "Your light has no dark, heavy secrets, only light and bright!" (A playful Hogwarts fanfiction, featuring many meme elements and some Hogwarts Legacy content. The protagonist is a lone wolf, not for women.)

At first, Aiden Winchester thought he had simply been transported to another world filled with malevolent spirits. However, an acceptance letter from Hogwarts changed his life as a witch hunter. He never imagined that he, who had always only hunted witches, would be accepted into a wizarding school. Witch hunter? Wizard? These two identities didn't conflict at all. Aiden, twirling his Kurdish demon-slaying blade, stood at the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Since dark wizards all came from Slytherin, why not start there! This book is also known as: *Three Sentences That Made the Headmaster Pay Me Ten Thousand Galleons*, *I Really Didn't Want to Be a Wizard*, and *Exorcising Voldemort Is Also Exorcism*.