You’re Just a Junior College, Yet You’re Ranked Number One in the World!

Reporter: Principal Li, your school is just a private college—why do global elites all want to become honorary alumni?

Li Mobai: Because we have the world’s best university-affiliated hospital. If the Eastern King of Hell wants you dead by midnight, our hospital will keep you alive till dawn! If the Western Grim Reaper wants to claim your soul, he’ll have to get our permission first! Become an honorary alumnus and enjoy exclusive medical services!

Reporter: Principal Li, as the only university in the country with its own high-speed rail station, are you proud?

Li Mobai: What’s there to be proud of? We’re planning to build a university airport next year!

Reporter: Principal Li, rumor has it that Shanhé University’s affiliated companies employ 1.8 million people—is that true?

Li Mobai: Of course that’s false!