Lord of Disaster

You're on a disaster planet, plagued by disasters and monsters.

And a strange message appears before your eyes.

[A potted plant might fall on you. If you'd like to trade it in for a new one, please carefully place the discarded item under the manhole cover in front within 32 seconds to facilitate your claim.]

[A malicious, cursing phone call. It's recommended that you forward it to the relevant telecommunications fraud authorities or to your enemies.]

[The mayor is preoccupied, unaware that his lost wedding ring was actually stolen by his mistress.]

[The other party is a dangerous creature of a far superior species, noble in status, and impeccably beautiful. Her only flaw is her desire for pure, romantic love, regardless of race.]

...

Okay,

now that you've learned to read the message, quickly go and kill the monsters invading this planet!

You look up, gazing at the stellar-level behemoth looming in the void, its edge unseen.

You decide to let it go for now.